Arnold Goes Bad
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: After Rhonda's marriage prediction, Arnold has realized he might be 'smitten' with Helga G. Pataki. When the boy decides that the reason she can't stand him is because he has a do-gooder reputation, Arnold tries to tarnish his name with unexpected results.
1. Chapter 1

"I apologize for all the pain and suffering I may have put you through," came Rhonda Llyod's voice. She placed an apologetic hand on Arnold shoulder and the golden-haired boy looked down at his lap. His face fell and his voice softened.

"It's okay, Rhonda," he said. But Arnold was greatly relieved when the Caprini-wearing girl moved on. His heart was in a tumult. Last night, when Arnold had gone to sleep he had been horrified by the thought that he might end up marrying Helga G. Pataki. Rhonda's marriage predictor had said so. One hundred and ten times! But somewhere in the night his heart had found the puzzle piece he had long been searching for. His eternal tormentor. His eternal tease. The girl who waxed then waned hot and cold. Helga G. Pataki. Last night he had heard a dream Helga confess to him that the reason she tormented him so was to hide her true self from him. He had heard from his own dream lips what he truly believed deep down in his heart. That Helga was not a bad person, and in that moment his nightmare became a bliss. A source of peace in his current life. But Rhonda's retraction disrupted that peace. It meant he was not guaranteed resolution with his pink-bowed friend after all. Arnold sighed, deeply. Gerald looked at him funny.

"What's the matter man?" asked Gerald, lifting his book to his side. "Shouldn't you be happy right about now? You aren't stuck marrying that Pataki girl!"

"I know I should be happy, Gerald," Arnold said. "But I don't. Feel happy that is. Maybe I'm just tired," said Arnold shutting his eyes and pretending to nap for the remainder of their bus ride. It was a few minutes till P.S. 118 still.

Arnold's school day passed by, uneventful largely. But his eyes were rounded and sad...and thoughtful. The dreams that had spun through his head had still not gone away.

At lunchtime Arnold made the mistake of staring at Helga for too long. She stared down at her sandwich, then her dress to see if there was slop on it, then up again. Her eyes burned into Arnold's angrily.

"What are you staring at, Football-Head?" She asked squeezing her sandwich flat like notebook paper.

"N...nnn...nothing," said Arnold quickly adjusting his chair so that it faced a blank and empty wall. Arnold sighed again.

On the bus ride home, Gerald jabbed Arnold's elbow with his own, knocking him out of a moody trance.

"Arnold!" Gerald said. "You've been moping around all day! Out with it! What's your problem, man?" Arnold turned around in his seat and looked for a pink ribbon dotting the back of the bus like a 'Where's Waldo' picture. It was there, sure enough, so Arnold lowered his voice to a whisper.

"Well, you know how when I broke up with Lila… I mean that time that she THOUGHT I had written 'Arnold loves Lila' in chalk but I hadn't and I corrected her on it? Well, what I meant to say is that maybe this time is like that time."

"Huh?" Said Gerald. "You've lost me."

"Well, you know," said Arnold nudging toward truth. "Like back then. I didn't like Lila until after I had broken up with her the first time. And I spent forever trying to get her back. But this time, I actually didn't break up with anyone! But it kind of FEELS like it, Gerald. And it makes me kind of sad."

"Arnold!" Gerald complained. "Do you even hear what you're saying? You and Helga aren't dating."

"We sort of have," Arnold corrected Gerald in turn. "Remember that French Restaurant? And all the dozens… no hundreds of times Helga has come with us and all the guys to the movies or the baseball field? We talk nearly every day! For better or for worse."

"For better or for worse!" Said Gerald lifting his eyes up to the heavens and throwing his hands in the air. "What a marriage! It'll be filled with 'worse', all right!"

"Gerald!" Arnold said twitching at the blunt statement. "I'm not deciding anything. I'm just… curious. I mean, I've been shot down lots of times and known all the girls around the block. When I think down, deep on it, Helga's pretty special. Unique."

"Amen to that, brother," said Gerald still rolling his eyes. Arnold gave him another jab with his elbow.

"Ow!" Said Gerald as Arnold turned his head to scout out the pink ribbon again. He lowered his voice back to a whisper. "Just promise me you won't say a word on this to anyone!"

"Oh I won't. You can count on that," said Gerald getting up the moment the school bus stopped. He and Arnold descended onto Vine Street. He and Gerald had made plans to hang out that afternoon.

"So should we go to your home to pick up your skateboard?" Arnold asked amicably. After all, Gerald was his best friend. It was fun to hang out with him even if his stormy love-life was ever in the background.

But after skateboarding and downing two, fresh tall cups of lemonade, Gerald had to leave. It a time to go home to do chores. Arnold was left alone in silence and his thoughts. He opened the boarding house door and watched wild animals run screaming out of it. He rolled his eyes. There were more cats than ever. Either one of them wasn't fixed or some strays had joined the gang of boarding house animals again.

It was just Arnold's luck. All the boarders were on the couch watching some cruddy romance movie. Ernie and Mr. Hyuyn both had tears in their eyes and were actually looking chummy for the moment, instead of arguing. Arnold jammed his hands into his pockets and stared at the adults for a moment before stalking away. He found Grandma in the kitchen.

"What's the matter, Kimba?" she asked hunting flies like usual. Grandpa was doing dishes with his yellow gloves.

"I don't know, Grandma," said Arnold woefully. "It's just that… well, yesterday one of the girls pretended to fortune tell. She said I'd get married to someone I least expected. But of course it was all just a silly, made-up game. She's even more a scam than the Madame Balnc's potion's shop down by the riverfront. But it made me feel… different. Disappointed, actually. Because it was all a fortune and fortunes just don't come true!" said Arnold flicking a finger against a wrinkle in the table cloth. Grandma Pookie stared for a moment, then grinned. She ran toward Arnold and gave him a hug just as Grandpa decided to do the same. He ended up patting Arnold on the shoulders.

"That's a boy, Arnold!" Grandpa said with a wide grin. "By the looks of ya, I'd say, you're smitten! Who's the girl?"

"What does smitten mean?" asked Arnold, his eyebrows knotting up.

"It means you've gone star-crazy. Bonkers! You my, boy, have got a crush!" Grandpa Phil ended so loudly that it attracted the attention of everyone in the living room. Ernie, Mr. Hyuyn, and the Kakashkas appeared at the doorway. All wore wide grins and began to celebrate!

"You've got a crush, Arnold!" Said Mr, Kakashka. "That's great! Make sure she's a rich woman!"

"Get out of here, ya bum!" said Ernie. "Arnold, make sure you don't let this one get away. You may think it's not important now, but sooner or you'll end up like me, old and gray and wondering where all the chances have gone."

"Ignore Ernie!" said Mr. Hyuyn. He held up a finger to lecture. "Choose carefully! You want a wife who is good! She will not steal and she will clean and cook!"

"Uh, thanks guys, but we're not talking about the same thing here," said Arnold hanging his head on his arms sadly. "We're talking about whether or not there will even be a girl for me in my future! Maybe, I'm just not meant to have someone. Or maybe that someone is way, far away out there and I'd have to go look for her. Or maybe," said Arnold biting his lower lip in thought. "She is somewhere right here."

"Hm, well, that's the trouble with fortune tellers," Phil said sitting next to Arnold. "All scam artists!"

"Ah, well! What a disappointment!" said Mr. Hyuyn surprising Arnold. "The next time you come here, bring with you a girlfriend!"

"Yeah!" said Ernie nudging Arnold lightly. "If you make a little extra effort, some girl out there is sure to take a shine to you!"

"Take a shine?" said Arnold, truly perplexed. Love brought out some of his densest moments. But when he went upstairs to his room, he carried this thought with him. Arnold tried to apply the words to Helga.

Take a shine? When had Helga ever 'liked' Arnold? When she was kissing him, for sure. But these moments seemed erratic, What Arnold could remember more what she had said she DID NOT like about Arnold. Arnold sat up on his bed suddenly. An idea had come to him.

Maybe he was looking at this all the wrong way. If he was going to try to get Helga interested in him, then he should not do or be whatever it was she hated most about him. Arnold wracked his brain for answers and then it came to him. Helga had called him a goody-two-shoes. Not once, but nearly every time she was truly angry. Perhaps the reason Helga did NOT like him was that he was too sweet. Too gentle. Too kind and giving. Too rule-abiding. The wheels in Arnold's head spun. His hands fisted up at his sides and he sat up. If a desirable girl did not like him because he was too good, then what would she do if he was bad like her? Arnold gulped. Doing bad deeds was against his very nature. Against his upbringing. But if he could just convince Helga he was not just 'a wet blanket' what would her reaction be? Suddenly, he was dying to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**I envisioned this story to be a sort of comedy with romantic elements, so here it is. It's not my best, and it's not full of delicious spice, so as a compromise I wrote and posted the story "Juliet" for readers asking for something heavy. I hope it will be at least a little amusing for the rest of you.**

"You want me to do what?!" Gerald gasped loudly as he nearly fell off Arnold's couch in shock. He held up his hands in plaintiff. "But Arnold you don't just up and 'do bad things'. It's not in your nature. Have you been running around with Frankie G. again?"

"No, Gerald," Arnold laughed. He had not seen the teenager again since Gerald had pulled his head free from the window the said teenager had stuck him in. He had learned his lesson. As Gerald had said, Frankie G. was bad news.

"I don't want to do anything really bad, Gerald. I just want to get a little mischievous. See what it can do. I've been thinking about this a lot, Gerald, and do you know what, Gerald?" said Arnold grabbing his friend's shirt. Like a bully about to shake a kid down for lunch money, he stuck his nose in Gerald's face and glared.

"What?" said Gerald trying to get Arnold's hand to release from his shirt. He did, readily.

"Well, I remembered. Back at FTI, we were doing something bad. We were breaking into a building. I think Helga liked it."

"Liked? Liked it how?"

"When she and I first met on the rooftop. Before we got on the bus that became runaway, she kissed me. We both agreed later that night it was in the heat of the moment. I think," Arnold presumed incorrectly, "that Helga _likes_ it when I do something bad."

"So do you really want to be with a girl like that?" Gerald asked deep in doubt.

"Well. I don't know! But I need to know for myself. If it's true that is. So I need you to help me come up with things I can do that are bad. Things short of suspension."

"It's a dangerous game to play, Arnold," said Gerald in all seriousness. "But I commend your brazenness. I guess I can make a few suggestions," Gerald began. His doubts still lingered.

"Great!" said Arnold ready to begin planning. He and Gerald plotted into the late evening hours. Arnold anxiously awaited school the next day.

When the sun dawned, it was time to bad! English was the second subject of the day. As usual, Mr. Simmons had them all craft a poem. Arnold and Gerald had prepared for this last night. In his bag was a poem copied straight out of a book Mr. Simmons often read from in class. If Phoebe had cheated, why couldn't he? With a stealthy grin, Arnold handed in his poem of the day. Mr. Simmons accepted the page and began to read. Arnold's grin grew wider as Mr. Simmons' eyes rolled across the page and he frowned.

"Hm. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Arnold," said Mr Simmons setting down the page on Arnold's desk. "I think you've misunderstood the assignment. You're a very talented student, so I will give you an extension to turn a new poem in tomorrow. But the assignment isn't to choose a poem that's special to you! It's to write a poem about a place or thing that's important to you. Alright?" Said Mr. Simmons with a very sympathetic nod. Arnold grimaced. Part one of their plan had failed.

"Alright, Mr. Simmons. Sorry," Arnold said, the apology slipping out of his mouth before he could correct himself. Gerald slapped himself in the forehead. So far their plan was not going well at all. But at least Helga was watching. Arnold turned and caught her staring at him. A few moments after he turned, she began to move her pencil again, working diligently on her page as if she had never paused.

"Did you see that?" Arnold whispered to Gerald, faintly encouraged by the thought that Helga might have read more into his poem by Longfellow than Mr. Simmons had. Arnold and Gerald stopped their whispering when the sound of Helga's pencil ceased again. Feeling bold, Arnold turned around in his chair. A cheeky grin spread across his face and Helga's mild stare bloomed into one of full-blown confusion. Arnold was, without a doubt, acting very strange today!

But that was only the start of it! Lunchtime rolled around and Arnold drank his milk and bolted down his pudding cup. He still had sloppy, greasy, barely edible meatloaf surprise on his plate. Arnold waited for Gerald to give him the go-ahead signal. With a wink and a thumb's up, Gerald nodded. Arnold gritted his teeth and shutting his eyes, tossed the meatloaf surprise across his table to land smack dab on Stinky Peterson's face. It ran down his chin with orange dribbles.

"Ew!" Said Sid who was sitting next to Stinky. He pinched his nose. "Now you smell like meatloaf surprise!" He complained. Then the boy shrugged and dipped a spoon into his own food tray of plain mashed potatoes. Stinky, meanwhile, took a large handkerchief from his pocket and began to wipe his face with it.

"Um, Stinky," said Arnold standing up from the table. "Aren't you, you know, angry I threw that at you?"

"Nah, Arnold," said Stinky astounding him. "You're an outright good kid, Arnold and I'm sure it was all just a freak accident. Don't y'all worry about it! I already smell like meat sauce anyway on account I was feeding Snappy ground hamburger meat for breakfast this morning." Arnold blinked. Somehow, instead of starting a food fight, they had gotten off to talking about pet turtles.

"Great," Arnold sighed settling one cheek again his hand. He didn't bother to lift his head when Helga walked right past him, book in hand.

"Gerald," Arnold complained after lunchtime had ended. "This isn't working! Everyone thinks I'm too much of a good kid to do anything!"

"Settle down, man!" Gerald scolded him, laying a restraining hand on Arnold's shoulder. "All you've got to do is stick to the plan. Phase three! I've already talked to Eugene and everything." Gerald said with a smile. Arnold looked to the sky then rolled his eyes down again.

"All right, Gerald. Let's do this!"

Part three of Arnold and Gerald's plan? Bully another kid. Arnold and Gerald leant against their lockers in the second floor hallway until Helga began to trot by on her way to class. Arnold sweated at the sight of her.

"Don't worry," Gerald whispered. "I've paid Eugene five bucks. All you need to do is fake tripping him. Go on, go!" Gerald said giving Arnold a shove. Arnold squared his shoulders and marched off down the hall to meet Eugene.

Arnold prowled as boldly as he could until Eugene was a mere few steps in front of him. Then, Arnold extended his right leg out as Eugene made to pass by him. It was a trick Arnold had fallen for a number of times with Helga. It was funny for him to see just how well it worked as Eugene splat on the floor and split the books in his hands. The book trail created led up to Helga's feet and Arnold grinned again at Helga's blank stare at the sight unfolding before her.

But Arnold's victory was taken away when moments later, an out of control librarians trolley rolled out the library's doors, across the hallway a mere foot in front of Eugene's nose, and into the doors of an adjoining classroom. There was an enormous crash. They could hear breaking tables and startled shouts from the upper grade class within. Eugene slowly gathered himself to his feet, then grasped Arnold's hands in his own to shake them up and down with joy.

"Thanks, Arnold!" Eugene beamed. "You're a real lifesaver! If you hadn't tripped me just then, I would have run over by that trolley for sure! I don't know how to thank you! You're my hero!"

"Don't mention it, Eugene," said Arnold passively allowing his hand to be wrenched up and down. "No, really. In mean that! Don't mention it!"

"Argh!" said Arnold biting his pencil during math class. "This isn't going well, Gerald!"

"Don't worry, Arnold!" Gerald declared. The failure of all their prior plans had not diminished his enthusiasm for trying them. "This next one is a sure thing. I'll be part of it. There's the bell. Let's go!"

Part four of their plan to make Arnold 'bad' was: brawl. It was art period now. If there was one sure way to get a detention, Arnold thought, it would be to pour paint on someone. He had gotten a detention for doing just that to Helga once, only today he had planned a paint fight with Gerald. Plus a fake fist fight. The two friends set their chairs face to face against one another's cleared their throats, and then…

"No, you're stupid," Gerald began without preamble. Arnold hunched over and squinted his eyes.

"No, you're stupider!" Arnold declared hoping someone was watching.

"No, you're stuuuupppiiidddeeerrr!" Gerald ground out slowly, elaborating each syllable.

"Oh yeah?" muttered Arnold.

"Oh yeah?" Gerald mocked.

"Yeah!" Arnold muttered.

"Yeah!" Gerald mocked, then ducked involuntarily as some paint flew straight for his head.

"Hey, man, watch the hair," Gerald said dipping his hands into his own bucket of yellow paint and flinging it toward Arnold. The two boys emptied their paint buckets then clenched their fists.

"Oh yeah?" asked Arnold standing up.

"Yeah!" said Gerald pretending to swing. Arnold ducked easily, then swung his own fist at Gerald so softly it barely touched. Gerald faked falling over.

"Ooo. Agh!" Gerald yelped unconvincingly in a pool of yellow and green paint. "You hit me!" Mr Simmons walked over with a wide frown.

"Boys!" Mr. Simmons said shaking a finger at them. "I know you two must be eager to audition for the school's next play, but this is art period! I must ask that you two clean up the mess you've made! Go directly to the hall closet and get some mops and a bucket!" Mr. Simmons pointed toward the hallway firmly.

"Yes, Mr. Simmons," Gerald and Arnold chorused, downcast.

"What a bust!" Gerald lamented when they reached the hall. "Paint all down my shirt for nothing!"

"Maybe we should change into gym clothes," Arnold mused pulling his own shirt.

"Well, there's only one more phase to go," Gerald announced gravely. "It's try or fail! The chewing gum!" He pulled two full packages of Arnold's favorite grape-flavored bubble gum from his pocket, plus an empty sandwich bag.

"Let's get chewing! You take one pack, and I'll work on the other." Arnold sighed.

"Alright, Gerald." But by this point, he was convinced nothing was going to work.

A mere two class periods left to go. Arnold busied himself by chewing bubblegum instead of listening to the lecture. Then, when Gerald passed him the second bag of chewed gum, Arnold took a deep, steadying breath. This whole crazy plan was his idea in the first place and he had to see it through to the no matter what the consequences.

Mr. Simmons turned to face the board and began to scribble on it with white chalk. Arnold took this as an opportunity to get down out of his chair and crawl on his hands and knees to the back of the class. Then, standing behind everyone, he grit his teeth and tossed a gob of used chewing gum into Rhonda's hair. Then Curly's, and Nadine's and the hair of just about everyone in class! But not Helga. Arnold just could not bring himself to do it. Then, feeling a world of guilt, he strode back to his seat to sit and wait for the first kid to discover just what he had done.

"What!?" Rhonda Lloyd screamed out loud when she discovered the wedge of gum sticking to her hair. She tried in vain to tease it out with her fingers. "What is this!" Arnold shrunk down into his seat as everyone around them began to chorus her yells with their own.

"Ew! Who did this?!" Mr. Simmons looked around the tumultuous classroom. He knew of only one student with dead aim.

"Helga. I'm sorry to have to ask you this, but did you do this?"

"Huh?" Helga blinked. An angry Rhonda pointed at her.

"It _must_ be you Helga! Everyone has gum in their hair but you!"

"She didn't do it!" A very unexpected voice spoke up. "I did." All of his fellow students turned toward Arnold and gaped. He crossed his arms.

"You did it, Arnold? Impossible!"

"Yes I did. See?" Arnold pulled a fistful of empty gum wrappers from his pocket and spread them out across his desk for all to see. He kept his eyebrows furrowed.

"Arnold!" Mr. Simmons warned. "I'm afraid I have no choice but to give you detention for the rest of the week."

"Yes, Mr. Simmons," Arnold replied with a hollow voice. But when Mr. Simmons turned back to the board again, Gerald lifted his hand up in the air. Arnold grinned and shared a lukewarm high-five with him.

"You did it! You got detention, Arnold!" said Gerald slapping Arnold on his back so hard he nearly fell over.

"Yeah," Arnold laughed weakly. "I've only been trying all day." But he shared a thumb shake with Gerald just the same. Arnold was surprised by a hard jab between his shoulder blades. He turned to see Helga. Her eyes smoldered.

"What the heck are you and Tall-Hairboy up to?" Helga demanded. Gerald grinned and winked. He leant over the back of his chair with a smug expression.

"What makes you think we're up to anything? You tell her, Arnold!"

"Yeah. Yeah," Arnold mumbled trying to think fast. "What makes you think I can't be bad, too? Why, I can be just as mean as the next guy, I'll bet!" Arnold exaggerated. He watched Helga carefully for her reaction.

"Humph!" Helga said. She turned her head away with a loud sniff. Gerald and Arnold beamed.

Detention that afternoon after school was boring, but worth it. So far, the gamble Arnold had taken was prodding some sort of reaction out of Helga. Of course, there was a downside to it to. Mr. Simmons was disappointed in Arnold and his classmates were furious. But it was time to test Arnold's theory that Helga became enamored with Arnold when he was misbehaving himself. Gerald waited outside the school door on its steps for Arnold to get out. Then he fell into step with Arnold as the two trudged home for the day.

"This is it, Arnold!" Gerald declared. "Tomorrow's the day! Now that you've got her attention, it's time to bring on the 'seduce'!"

"You're right, Gerald." Arnold nodded. "It's now or never. It's time I understood Helga. I can never read what's going on in that mind of hers, but by tomorrow, I'll know!"

"Just stick to the game plan!" Gerald admonished. Arnold said goodbye to his best friend on his stoop steps. For tonight, he needed to prepare, then get some rest. Tomorrow would be an even greater challenge. Arnold planned to flirt with Helga Pataki!

"Hey, Arnold!" Gerald greeted him at his front door first thing in the morning. The dark-skinned boy squinted his eyes and lay a hand under his chin as he gave his blond-haired friend a careful examination. "Spin, around, man, let me get a good look at you. Hm, hm, hm. Looking good if I do say so myself!"

"Thanks," Arnold offered back with a little swagger. He did look a little cool this morning. His hair was slicked back and his usual clothes replaced with black jeans and a white T-shirt. Over the T-shirt, he wore an unbuttoned, deep burgundy, solid color top. For final touches he wore dress shoes instead of sneakers, an expensive watch, and a silver chain around his neck. Arnold preferred his usual clothes but he was going for a costlier look today.

"Stylin, man!" Gerald gave as his final approval. "Now check this out! I borrowed my Dad's cologne. To give you that manly smell!" Arnold choked as Gerald misted him with a bit of it.

"Are you sure that isn't too much? I am still in the fourth grade, you know."

"Nothing's too much for a lady," disagreed Gerald. Even if he did not like Helga Pataki, helping Arnold with his project was proving to be a lot of fun. "You've got everything you need, right?"

"Ready!" said Arnold. He pulled a box of chocolates from his school bag.

"Nice!"

The school bell hadn't rung yet. Helga would be hanging out at her locker with Phoebe, Arnold knew, so he snuck the box of chocolates into her desk. Then he settled down into his chair to wait. Five moments before the school bell rang again, starting class, Helga wandered in. Her eyes were drowsy and barely registered Gerald standing by the door. But they flew wide open at the sight of Arnold with his slicked back hair and new outfit as she passed him. Slowly, Helga sat down in her chair and opened her desk to get notebook paper. She spied the heart-shaped box and her eyes widened even further.

"What the!" Helga sputtered out loud as she opened the box. "Hm. I guess I'll feed these to Harold to make sure they aren't poisoned or nothing!" Helga shrugged. She replaced the cover on the box.

"Good morning class!" Mr. Simmons said starting class on schedule. Everyone chorused after him. Homework was collected and the rote day had begun. Several minutes into Mr. Simmon's lecture Arnold threw a paper airplane at Helga's desk. It landed on the face of her book and she unfolded it quickly when she read her name on it.

"How did you like the chocolates?" The note read. Arnold gave the girl staring at him a bold wink, then turned to face the teacher once again. Helga startled when another paper airplane landed on her desk. Hands shaking, she unfolded it.

"You look gorgeous," the note read but this time Arnold did not turn to see Helga's reaction. Even he did not dare. Mr. Simmons changed the subject of their lesson from English to history.

"Go on, Arnold!" Gerald hissed as the clock ticked ever onwards toward lunchtime. "Throw the third note!" Arnold removed the third sheet of paper from the back of his book. Sweating, he folded the note into an airplane as slowly as he could manage and set it on the desk before him. Gerald made an angry face and him and pointed his finger twice between the airplane and Helga. Then he silently slammed his desk with his fists three times for emphasis. It was a silent way of miming, 'Arnold, throw that airplane NOW!"

Arnold wished he could just ignore Gerald. But he was right. They had too come far to turn back now, so he lobbed the third airplane toward Helga's desk. It landed neatly and she took her time in opening it. When she read the words within, her brows furrowed in a mixture of anger and confusion, not the love or giddiness Arnold had been expecting. Arnold sunk low in his desk. The bell rang, dismissing them to lunch at last.

"Gerald," Arnold whispered to his friend, pulling him aside. "What do I do? She didn't seem pleased at the last note!"

"Just go on with the plan, man. It's too late to back out now. You've already invited her. You've got to show."

"Alright", Arnold muttered taking a deep, steadying breath. Helga's last look at him had him nervous. He only hoped she would resist finishing him off the next time they met.

The third note Arnold had given to Helga had read, "meet me in the janitor's closet". It seemed overbold, but Arnold had agreed with Gerald to suggest a meeting in that location. Helga already hung out there on a regular basis. It was her 'office', a place where she could plot evil deeds with Phoebe when the secrecy of the girl's bathroom wasn't enough. Helga had taken Arnold there once before to tell him to go back to offering advice to the other kids when her own attempts at giving advice had led to disaster. It wasn't as if Arnold had planned anything nefarious there. He only meant to turn on the charm a little and if things went well, maybe even offer a kiss.

But Helga's look had informed him that things weren't going well. Arnold sat down on a sideways placed filing cabinet Helga used as her desk. He knew he waited in vain. His stomach growled and he lay down on the cold steel of the filing cabinet, wishing he had just gone to lunch instead of going through with this plan. After slicking down his hair and doing so many reckless things to try to get Helga's attention, he felt rather silly. Arnold was both glad and disappointed when the school bell rang again. Class was back in session. Like an iceberg, Arnold's heart sank lower and lower in his chest. All this work, his bold forward play with the notes, his willfully getting a detention- it was for nothing. Helga had never shown up. He sighed.

Arnold stopped by the boy's bathroom and inspected his face. He washed the gel out of his hair so that it became its usual untamed mass of rebellious locks. Then he shuffled into class. It was math, his best subject, so Arnold wasn't worried that he had missed half the session. He could always figure it out from the textbook later. It was entering the classroom late that worried him. Arnold stood at the door, the handle in his hand as he looked dismally in. Helga's calculating gaze caught his melancholy one. The moments stretched out, for neither one of the pair could stop their fascination with the look on one another's faces. Then, slowly, after about a minute, Arnold let the door handle fall free from his hand and he shuffled into his place at his desk. He propped a book up to cover his entire, shame-lit face.

On the balance, Arnold was very glad when school ended that day for multiple reasons. He only had detention to sit through last, and he wished desperately he had brought snacks with him. He had missed lunch and he was hungry. The last thing he expected was for the door to the detention classroom to slowly open and a peanut butter sandwich on a foam plate to appear on his desk. Arnold closed the book he was reading to reveal its giver.

"Helga?!" Arnold uttered as his jaw dropped. "What are you doing here? But I thought… You never showed up so…" His eyes rolled as he struggled to collect his thoughts.

"Of course I didn't show up!" said Helga rolling her own eyes at him. "Like I'd accept an invitation like that! No one tells Helga G. Pataki what to do!" Helga declared with frightening forcefulness. "Especially not in my office!" she scolded speaking of the janitor's closet. She jabbed a finger against Arnold's chest for especial emphasis.

"Now look here, Football-Face!" Helga breathed, calming her anger. "I don't know what is going on with you and Geraldo lately, but you two are acting weird. I'm here to tell you two buffoons to knock it off!"

"But Helga," said Arnold rolling his eyes back and forth as if seeking a way to escape the room… and Helga's wrath. "I thought you would be happy if I changed. You know, you hate it that I'm so well-behaved. A goody-two-shoes, remember? We thought that if I acted bad sometimes, you would like me a whole lot better." Helga's wrath fizzled out like a flame snuffed by a pail of ice. Her jaw dropped open.

"What?" Helga repeated in shock. "This is all about me, Football-Head? That's ridiculous! Me liking you if you were bad! What a foolish idea!" Helga swayed her head back and forth. She lifted her lean arms high on either side in a shrug.

"Look, here, Arnoldo, I'm only going to say this once so listen carefully! I rely on you to make the good decisions for both of us! You're like my moral conscious or something! Both of us can't be bad! Besides that your screwball reasoning is all wrong, Arnoldo! I admire you for, well, your strict moral conscious. Your benevolence and outright concern for the well-being of others. It's...well, just you. It's part of who you are. It takes a lot of courage to be that. The world is already full of bullies like me, Arnold. It doesn't need any more."

"You really think so?" said Arnold, a small smile sneaking across his face. In a way this was far better than if Helga had shown up to the janitor's closet.

"Yeah, I sure do," said Helga picking up his peanut butter sandwich and biting into it.

"Hey," said Arnold, his hands on his hips. "I thought that was for me!"

"Too slow, Football-Head," said Helga through a mouthful. "I got hungry. But you know what? Detention lets out in five minutes. But before you go, I've got a warning for you. If you pull a stunt like the one you pulled yesterday again, well," said Helga making a large fist with one of her hands. She shook it in the air not far from Arnold's chin.

"You get this. Get the picture? But if you're good, well, if you're lucky... I mean, really, really lucky, then you might get this," said Helga pulling back from Arnold a few steps. She curtsied and blew him a kiss. "Get the picture?"

"I'll behave! I'll be good!" Arnold promised quickly. Helga flashed him a wicked grin.

"Glad we could come to an understanding," Helga said stuffing the rest of Arnold's sandwich into her mouth. Arnold's stomach growled. But he smiled as Helga left with a saucy grin. Today hadn't turned out so bad after all!


End file.
